Stupid Things Men Say

As a girl, there is one simple question I have been asking myself for pretty much the last decade:

I am going to start this off with me admitting that I am generally a pretty irritable person. Even the smallest of things can, and probably will, set me off. Because of this I am susceptible to become slightly more enraged about things than the average female.

The thing that enrages me the most you ask? Men.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love men. I love looking at men. I love talking to men. I love cuddling with men. I just like me a nice, sexy, hunk of man. I mean come on, who doesnt?

But men are also total idiots.

This causes them to say absolutely ridiculous things sometimes that boil my already irritable blood. I know I am not the only one who feels this way though. So I decided to make this somewhat of a PSA.

The guys I know are always complaining about how girls, whether they be their friends, sisters, or girlfriends, confuse them. And how they never seem to understand or what they did or what happened. Well asshole, you probably said something moronic and she's pissed off at you.

So to help you try and avoid the wrath of women in the future, I am going to tell you the stupid shit you should avoid saying so that you don't piss them off as much you do now.

1. Are you PMSing?

No, I'm just a bitch. Any time my mood is even the slightest bit off of elated I get accused of it being my time of month. No I'm not PMSing, you're probably just extremely annoying or did something that really pissed me off. Do not blame my bodily functions for my attitude, blame yourself for being an asshole.

2. Oh, you look nice today. Who are you trying to impress?

Let's get something straight. If I do my makeup, or my hair, or wear something nice, I am not doing it to impress a guy, I am doing it because I think I look fricken cute and I am feeling myself that day. Not everything we do revolves around you. Get that through your thick head.

3. Are you really going to eat all of that?

No actually, now I'm probably going to throw it in your face. If I want a bacon cheeseburger, fries and chocolate shake, I am going to get that bacon cheeseburger, fries and chocolate shake. And I'm going to eat it all. And I'm not going to feel bad about it. Never, ever, EVER make a comment about a girls weight, or about what she is eating. You're just asking to get slapped.

4. What are you wearing?

If I get dressed and think I look cute only to have you tell me that the pants I'm wearing make me look like a genie, I am probably going to get pretty upset. Your comments forever resonate with me, and now I can never wear those pants again because I will forever be consumed with the thought that my pants make me look like a genie. Congratulations asshole, you just completely ruined my outfit that I happened to like.

5. What's your problem?

YOU! You are my fucking problem.

Never ask me this question. You're honestly better off just leaving me alone and stopping talking to me because if you ask me this question you are ultimately just digging yourself into a hole that is too deep for you to ever get out of.

6. Stop acting like such a girl.

Last time I checked I was born with a vagina, and therefore it is perfectly acceptable for me to act like a girl. Do not tell me to "man up" or "stop being a p***y". Girls react to things differently than you, do things differently than you, and deal with things differently than you. Stop being an insensitive prick and blaming our every move on our gender.

7. Make me a sandwich

(Other forms of this include, but are not limited to: Why don't you go in the kitchen where you belong? Do you want to make yourself useful a go fetch me a _____? Why can't you cook? Women are supposed to be excellent cooks, etc. etc. etc.)

Lets get something straight. THIS ISN'T FUNNY. It is demeaning, and you sound like an ignorant, sexist jerk when you say it. The only time this will occur is if I specifically offer to make you something or get you something. Otherwise, you have two hands and two feet, go and get it yourself damnit!

8. Really? More shoes?

Yes I am aware that I have things in my closet that still have tags on them. Yes I still feel the need to go out and buy more things. Yes, I already have a pair of black boots, but they are short and leather, these ones are tall and suede. Also, I use retail therapy to help myself become less enraged over all of the previous stupid things you said to piss me off. So if anything you should be shutting your mouth and encouraging my spending habits, not questioning them. (Side Note; a woman can NEVER have too many shoes).

9. Girls don't watch sports.

The amount of times I have been watching a game only to have a guy ask me if I "understand what is going in" is actually extremely insulting. Just because I don't watch Sports Centre every night and know every statistic about every player on the team does not mean that I don't understand the sport. Also there seems to be a common misconception that girls only take interest in sports to 'impress' guys. This is complete bullshit. Again, not everything we do revolves around you. I actually enjoy sitting back with a beer and watching the game sometimes. Is that so hard to believe?

10. You're Crazy

This is arguably the worst thing a guy can say to a girl. EVER.

We are emotional people. But because guys never want to talk about anything with us we are forced bottle up all of those emotions and they then sit there and fester within our conscience for extended periods of time until we finally explode. And you shouldn't be shocked that you are the target of this explosion when you're the one who messed with my emotions in the first place. I am not 'fucking crazy', you make me fucking crazy.

(P.S. I know this whole rant doesn't make a very good case for me, but I'm actually a very sane and rational human being. I swear).

Now I could go on about this for much longer than 10 paragraphs, because quite honestly, guys say a lot of stupid shit, and as I said before, I am very irritable. But for now we are simply going to use this as a very good starting point on addressing the stupidity of men.

Mark my words, this will be continued in the future.