That's What Anxiety Feels Like

If you have it, you know. And if you don't, it's often very hard for you to understand.

Anxiety is consuming. It consumes your thoughts, and your actions. Your relationships and your activities. It effects your day to day life, in both small and large ways.

So for those of you who might not understand, I thought I'd give you the opportunity to spend a few minutes in my shoes, and the shoes of everyone else that anxiety affects.

Imagine constantly feeling like you aren't good enough, for anyone in your life. Your parents, your significant others, your friends. Imagine constantly worrying that every single person in your life doesn't like you, or is mad at you, or talks about you behind your back. Imagine these fears eating away at you so bad that you feel like you can't trust a single person in your life. That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine every single little mistake you've made in your life. Now imagine over analyzing every single one of these mistakes in your head to the point that you think you're going to get in trouble for every single little mistake. Imagine trying to be absolutely perfect every single day to avoid making these little mistakes so you don't have to analyze, and reanalyze, over analyze each of them in your head. That's what anxiety feels like.

Now imagine apologizing for every single one of these little mistakes, and every single other little thing that you say or do because you don't want people to not like you, or you don't want to rub people the wrong way, or you don't want to offend anyone. Imagine trying so hard please everyone and put them all before yourself because you feel like you constantly need approval from others. That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine being consumed by work or school to the point where it feels like it's your entire life, and you can't exist outside of it. Imagine lying in bed, sick to your stomach with the flu, or food poisoning, and instead of focusing on getting better you're focused on who might be upset with you for calling in sick, or what you might be missing in class. Imagine thinking that a small mess up at work will get you fired, or quoting something wrong in an essay will get you kicked out of school for plagiarism. Imagine not being able to separate your home life from your work or school life. That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine thinking every single person your significant other talks to is a threat to your relationship. Imagine thinking that they are going to break up with you every single time they say "I want to talk to you". That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine being invited out for a night and doing and redoing your hair and makeup, and changing your outfit at least five times because you feel uncomfortable no matter what you look like. And the thought of talking, or mingling is just unimaginable because you can't stop thinking that you're going to say something stupid and everyone is going to laugh at you. Imagine feeling like every single person in a room is judging you and every single little thing you do. That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine not being able to fall asleep at night because your mind is racing through every single thing that happened that day, or that week, or three years ago, and pulling out all of the bad details. Imagine tossing and turning because you can't stop your mind, even during the 7 or 8 hours a night that you should. Imagine being completely exhausted every single day from this lack of sleep. That's what anxiety feels like.

Imagine every single person in your life telling you to relax, or shake it off. And imagine knowing that as bad as you wish you could, your mind won't let you do that. That's what anxiety feels like.

Now imagine all of this building up so much that you feel completely alone and isolated. Because that's what anxiety feels like.

And I'm tired of people in my life saying I'm crazy, simply because they don't understand. I'm tired of not getting support from the people that are supposed to be close to me because they think I'm "closing myself off", or "not putting effort into my relationships", or "being weak". When really I just want to limit my interactions to stop my mind from overanalyzing them. And most of all, I'm just plain mentally and physically exhausted.

Because every single day I tear myself down, and have to try to rebuild myself back up again so I don't seem like I'm losing my mind.

And that's what anxiety feels like.

It's an every day battle. And all you can do is try to move forward and keep your head held high.

I know what it feels like. And if you do to then I sympathize with you. But we just have to keep trying, every single day.

"Chin up, charge the mountain".

And maybe one day we can say, that's what anxiety FELT like.