2018; The Year Of Me

2017 has come and gone, and here I sit again reflecting on the past year. After chasing my dreams and travelling to Europe in 2016, I thought that 2017 would hold big things for me... well it turns out that it didn't. Truth is I spent a lot of time this past year worrying about other people, and their opinions. I spent a lot of time down in the dumps and a little confused. After such an excitiing and uplifting 2016, how could 2017 be such a let down? Well I decided I'm not going to let that happen in 2018.

Now don't get me wrong 2017 held a lot of great moments for me. I met a boy that I love dearly and embarked on my first relationship. I had fun with old friends, and met new ones. I had lots of laughs, and smiles, and created lots of memories. But for some reason I didn't feel fulfilled.

Maybe it's because I spent the year desperately trying to hold friendships together that were falling apart. I learned that true friends are happy for you, despite what you're going through. I learned that true friends know you're always going to be there for them, even if you don't talk all the time. And after all of this, I ultimately learned that I don't have many true friends at all, and that was an upsetting realization.

Maybe I spent too much of my year trying to make other people happy. Bending over backwards and apologizing when I didn't have anything to be sorry for. Desperately trying to make everybody like me, even though I now know that is an impossible task to acomplish. And making decisions based on others instead of myself.

Maybe I spent too much time dwelling on the past. Trying to hold friendships together and make others happy because it's all I've ever known. Maybe I was afraid of change, and of growing up and of the future.

Maybe I didn't spend enough time on myself this year. Maybe I should have pampered myself a little more. Maybe I should have focused on writing, and relaxing, and doing things that I love to do. Maybe I should have spent more time following my passion for makeup and esthetics.

Maybe I was a little lost and confused. After coming off of such a life changing high in 2016, I kept thinking that I needed to get back to my 'normal' life here. But maybe I can't do that. I'm not the girl that I was before my trip. I'm not the girl that I pretended to be this year.

If 2017 did anything for me, it taught me a lot of rough lessons. And it taught me that it's okay to grow, and change, and move on in your life. And it taught me that if people can't accept that change or keep up, it's okay to leave them behind. Because I'm tired of feeling sad, and angry, and confused with people who are willing to throw me to the side of the curb so easily.

And although i got a few bruises from hitting the curb so many times, I dusted myself off, got back up and kept going.

So in 2018, I'm leaving the past behind me. In 2018, I'm not putting up with anyones shit. In 2018, I'm living my life for me. Because this is the year I'm going to grow up. This is the year I'm going to make things happen for me. This is the year I'm going to cut out toxic relationships, and I'm going to know who's real in my life and who isn't.

This is my year.

And I'm doing things for me this time.