I'm Sorry I'm Not The Person You Want Me To Be

It seems as though I always disappoint the people around me. That I'm never good enough in one way or another.

It's funny to me how people always tell you to be yourself, yet constantly knock you down when you try.

The problem is that people often see you in accordance to their own idea and image and values, rather than as a separate entity with it's own identity.

So to the people I disappoint. And to the people who keep knocking me down every time I think I find my footing;

I'm sorry I'm not the person you want me to be.

I'm sorry I'm stubborn, as you call it, because I don't agree with the things you say or the things you do. Because I won't give into you when you try to tell me what to do or push me around. But, you see, I don't view it as stubborn; I view it as strong willed. I'm my own person. I have my own way of doing things and my own rules that I live by, and I don't want to compromise those for anyone else.

I'm sorry I'm selfish, as you call it, because I don't worry about money or possessions. But, you see, I don't view it as selfish, I view it as self-loving. Yes, I put me first, but I put me first in terms of my happiness and my mental health. Because I would rather be rich in spirit and experience than rich in materials.

I'm sorry I'm naive, as you call it, because I don't view the world as a place full of people and things that can hurt me. But, you see, I don't view it as naive, I view it as optimistic. I see the world as a place full of hope and possibility. A place where I can do anything I want to do and be anyone who I want to be.

I'm sorry I'm lazy, as you call it, because I don't run my life on a schedule timed down to the minute. But, you see, I don't view it as lazy, I view it as relaxed and laid back. I'm doing things at my own pace. And sometimes I like to sleep in, or go for walks with no particular destination but that's just me putting some time aside for myself, and it's okay for me to do that sometimes.

I'm sorry I'm irrational, as you call it, because I don't always think about things before I do them. But, you see, I don't view it as irrational, I view it as spontaneous. I spent too much of my life thinking about things, sometimes its nice to just make a choice off the cuff, or go with the flow. No plans, no worries, I can just live my life.

I'm sorry I'm crazy, as you call it, because I don't have full control of my emotions and my state of mind all the time. But, you see, I don't view it as crazy, I view it as anxious and depressed. And I'm okay admitting that. Because it's not crazy and it's not a weakness. It's something I'm learning to live with and cope with. It's something that's making me stronger.

I'm sorry you view me in a different way than I view myself. That you see me through such a distorted lens. Because if you took a moment to see me how I see myself, you'd learn that I'm really not the terrible, stubborn, selfish, naive, lazy, crazy person you think I am. But that I am so much more, and so much better than that.

I'm sorry that I'm not the person you want me to be.

That I can't always be the person you want me to be.

But I'm becoming the person that I want me to be.

And that fact right there makes it all worth it.